Me and RJ Knight have been working on videos for about easily over a year now. We have made a lot of videos in the time. Sadly, despite the length of time that we have been working on these videos, only around 20 have been released. This is with huge gaps been the releases and lower quality content. It’s been because of how difficult I’ve made it to develop and RJ has certain standards on effort. I would like to start off by stating that it is entirely my fault that these videos have not been released. The reality is that we have at least three hundred videos started that have not been released and are far from being put out. There are quite a few reasons why this is the case but I’m going to focus here on one. This one reason is probably the most inexcusable, is that 99% of this is my fault.
The other day, (actually it was after Props and Bonds Saturday Mic Live) I was in Catalyst Hip-hop. I normally get shy and have some level of anxiety talking to people in these kind of settings. I know it seems counter intuitive that I can perform music in front of hundreds or thousands of people. But casual to intimate conversations make me massively uncomfortable except for all but a few people. My friend RJ was trying to take a break in the corner of the room (sleep or nap). I really should have been just talking to people, but I just stood around in his area.
The last post I made was not good. I spent too much time writing it. These posts/logs should be more off the cuff. The way I wrote the last post generally covers my problems that I can list causally off my head. (worked on it to make it better) I know that a few people expressed that my problems are normal (supporting me when they found out about my blog series), but they aren’t. I’m sure most of you reading this don’t know that I’m both sadistic and masochistic (S/M). I know that this alone isn’t incredibly uncommon, but I do fear that my masochism has lead me to create environments for my own failure (its a complicated and discover more all the time). Which doesn’t just hurt myself ,it also hurts the people around me and I have to change this (there are other major problems but this ties into them strongly, making them very warped). Why because I seek people out and wrap them into my world. – I want my brothers wife because its my brother’s wife
Hey, everyone I know that I’ve have been absent on Facebook for while. I wanted to let everyone in on some of the things going on with me (past and present). This is just a little bit of what you can expect from me in the future. Most people who know me, know I’m a strange dude. I’m socially awkward, secretive, pretentious (for like no reason) and I have an incredibly bad memory. These are just some of the major problems that I have. I am currently working on them but I also have some darker problems, some really dark chronic issues I’m dealing with. These problems, I have been dealing with them my whole life. But more recently these problems have directly hurt the people I my life who I care about most.